The Holly Jolly Snob

Let's face it, the while the holidays are supposed to be filled with joy and wonder, unfortunately, venturing out can put a damper on our spirits when we encounter crowded stores full of cranky retail staff.





This year, I felt hope blossom for a more joyous season when I encountered some exemplary examples of great customer service during this busy holiday season. I've already admitted, as a Snob, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being catered to, so these experiences put the holly back into my jolly.

So, if you are in the retail game, and you want to draw the shopping dollars of snoblettes everywhere, take heed to this advice . . .

1. Create a Customer-Centric Experience

I was recently at a charming retail client of mine, Deborah's Gracious Gifts, at closing time to work on their POS. It was about 5 minutes after closing time when a customer tried the door. The registers were already shut down for the night, and the salesperson was just waiting on a backup to run.

I have seen this situation before. In fact, I have been that customer, at times when I was 5 minutes before closing time. Most often this story ends with a "Sorry we are closed." if there is any acknowledgement at all.

Not in this case. The salesperson went to the door, opened it and invited the customer in. Shocking! Now, the customer realized that the shop was closed, but had a VERY specific gift in mind, and luckily it was in stock. Surely, the salesperson, with her cash register closed, would make arrangements for the customer to come back? Not even, she went out of her way to do a manual transaction (unheard of in this retail day and time!), even though it meant more work on her part. While she was writing up the sale, she invited the customer to browse around, and was rewarded by having items added to a nice-sized retail ticket.

Knowing this retailer, and having seen the staff at work many times, I can tell you....this was not an isolated case, but rather a culture of customer-centric retailing. Other stores should take note - this is how you keep customers coming back!

2. Going Postal

I mean this in a positive way. This past month, on 3 separate occasions, I was delighted at the warm & friendly service at my local post office.

For the most striking example, I went to send a letter overnight. The postal employee let me know that they could not guarantee overnight for the region of delivery intended. Then, he went on further to fully discuss my options, and made recommendations for my need and budget, not in a know-it-all kind of way, but rather in a manner that indicated that he wanted to help me. He save me a good bit of money, and got me delivery in the best time possible. During the process, we laughed and exchanged friendly personal comments which made me leave with a smile. From the POST OFFICE. What???

3. Service Abounds at the Wal-Mart???

Yes, you read that correctly. Seriously.

I recently participated in a charitable shopping excursion to purchase gifts for 60 area teens who were otherwise unlikely to receive any gifts this year. Imagine, many shopping carts and five hours at the local Wal-Mart. Sound like fun? It didn't to me either, but I've got to do something to get check marks on Santa's good list, right?

As we were shopping, several store associates decided to lend a hand in trying to pick out outfits and gifts, once they realized what we were trying to do. This was invaluable, as they knew the departments and where the best deals were located to make our dollars stretch. They were clearly having fun with it, and so did we.





After ringing up many over-flowing carts full of merchandise, the manager who was helping us discovered that their check approval system went down. You would expect that this would have meant scrambling to find alternate payment, however, the assistant manager was having none of that. She personally called her service provider and let them know they needed to find a way to work this out. Which they did, and she sent us on our Merry way with a smile.

I have to admit, it was sort of a surreal experience, but the bottom line is that at that particular Wal-Mart someone was encouraging the employees to take ownership of their job and take pride in a job well done.


Perhaps if all retailers behaved in a similar manner, I would not dread the very thought of shopping.


Disclaimer: none of these places have paid for any advertising. In fact, they do not even know I am blogging about them. These are just some great experiences that I've had recently.

The Season of the Snob

Ahhh, Autumn, my favorite time of the year! 'Tis the season of fall festivals, changing leaves, Halloween, and fall seasonal beer! Yes, it is indeed the season of the snob. Why, you ask. Well, let me just tell you.


It starts with beer. No, not any of those faux-beer products that end in -ite or -eiser. I am talking about REAL beer. Beer with substance, color, and flavor. I do enjoy tasting my way around the seasons, but I admit, I am always most eager to sample the darker colors and robust flavors that arrive with fall;

• Oktoberfest Marzen-style beers have been pleasing palettes for centuriess. Let's face it, the Germans know their way around beer, so in fall, let's drink like the Germans! Prost!

• Pumpkin Ale (or Punkin for some labels). Beware, not all Pumpkins are created equal. Some are subtle pumpkin flavor while other will whack you upside the head with their nutmeg. I recommend sampling to find what's right for you.



• Be on the lookout for seasonal specialties such as New Belgium's Hoptober (NOT an Oktoberfest beer).


• Just think in terms of fall colors; brown, ambers, porters (oh, I guess that's not a color...silly, me!)

Beyond beer, there are many other aspects of Autumn that bring out my inner snob ('cause I really need help bringing out my i.s.) . . .

Halloween

• Let's discuss costumes - when did my favorite holiday turn into a cute, glittery, display of half nakedness???? Seriously folks, it is a holiday that is all about the creepy. And not turning a classic horror character into some sexy madness (see image below). Bonus points for assembling your own costume!
  


• Decorations - there is no need to be the Griswalds of Halloween with your 50 blow ups in your front yard. Subtle is so much better, a graveyard, in the front yard, serious cobwebs, save some funky bottles for your own witches shelf . . . once again, it is all about the creepy.


• Treats - don't trick up the kiddies by giving them "healthy" crap. Pretzels??? Really??? Give 'em some REAL candy, and not the cheap stuff. I'm talking KitKats, Twizzlers, and Reeses Cups. Come one, it is once a year.

Football

• Three letters . . . NFL, home of the big boys, serious talent, a somewhat balanced league, and a real playoff system. (Football fans, you know what I mean).

Thanksgiving

• Stuffing belongs IN the bird for goodness sake! That is why they call if STUFFING. While you are at it, make sure you season it, please.


• If there is a potato dish, it should be mashed and made from real potato pieces, and not flakes.
  

Pass me the pumpkin pie, please.

The Snob on Vacation

Apparently, I even vacation in the color Snob. Let’s face it, I like being catered to. During my recent vacation, I realized that a cruise is really sailing the good ship Snobby Pop.

Why is the cruise so well suited for the Snob? Oh, let me count the ways….

1. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows you name

The key here is SERVICE. It is no accident; happy people spend money and tip well, so the plentiful ship staff is well-trained to cater to the whim of cruisers. I am not complaining, I channel my inner Blair Warner, and lap it up! 



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With love, from our Cabin Steward!



• On the high seas, I become “Miss Valerie” and love that cruise staff use my name as much as possible, knowing it is sweet music to my ears.



• Should bar tenders know that I am having a Bombay Sapphire and tonic with lime before I order it? Perhaps not, but I do like feeling a little V.l.



• Who knows why a carefully arranged towel critter makes me feel warm & fuzzy; don’t question the warm & fuzzy, yo.

• Boy, some chocolate would really compliment this read wine with dinner.....it appears almost as if we a personal genie.  Ok, even I admit that is a touch diva. But I AM a snob after all.

2. The food, the food, the food

I DO like some good eats, and a cruise ship is a floating oasis of yum! Note: if you are a “waste not, want notter”, you may want to skip this section.


• The cruise cornucopia runneth over with something to nosh upon at any hour….nom, nom, nom. So, save your baggier clothing for the end of the cruise…..just sayin’.



Walkin' on the culinary wild side!

 

• You want room service to bring you brownies at 4am? They will. (No, I was not THAT high maintenance – the cruise director told us, but I did not personally test this out).

• Not sure what to order for dinner? Order two. Heck order three! Meals are included, and it does not cost extra, so it's risk free sampling.  You’ll just have to ignore Granny’s voice in your head telling you to clean your plate. 

• Refer back to my first point on service – you wanna go HMU (high maintenance unit) and ask for something special – poof! Genie time, again.

3. Options, options, options

I am a suck the marrow out of a vacay kind of gal (shocking, I know!). Cruises provide so many options to occupy your time, whether you want to go-go-go or lay up on the back of the ship reading and watching the ocean. Best of all, someone ELSE does the planning!


• Ports of call


o Excursions – what the heck do you do in Freeport? Not to worry, there are plenty of pre-arranged memorable adventures, such as snorkeling or a historic tour.

o Wanna march to the beat of your own drum? The ship staff will give advice on free-styling; where to shop, what types of cabs to take, and where to find the best deals.

o Never want to leave the ship??? No problem, still plenty to keep busy.

• On the ship

 

o For the joiners of the word – there are plenty of opportunities to become part of the fun with game shows and silly challenges. You just may earn a ship on a stick!

o Catch a show

o Go to the art auction

o Chill out by the pool

o High rollers can check out the casino

o Indulge yourself at the Spa

o Get your groove on at the disco

o Seriously, if you have a pulse, there is something for you to enjoy!





Come on, you saw it coming!



The bottom line is this…..after my first cruise, my sister asked if I felt like a princess as portrayed in commercials. Honestly, pass me my tiara, so I can book another.

Color Me Snobbish

While I have long since accepted my inner snob, on occasion, I still find myself surprised to find within me a yet undiscovered level of snobbery. (It’s not like I am a snob for snobbery’s sake, after all. Really.)

This year, as I have for the past several years, I indulged a pet cause of mine; hitting up everyone that I know to contribute toward a school supply drive for area foster children. I am even willing to take one for the team and shop for those who lack the time or inclination.

Thus, I found myself standing in the Back to School aisle at my favorite discount retailer (you know, the one sporting the bull’s eye). I realized that this department must have been hit hard, as there was only one brand remaining of 24-pack crayons and (gasp!) it was NOT Crayola! A dilemma to be sure!

My sister, who has children and is probably much more familiar with the current state of the crayon market, assured me that they are the same. Coming from her, this is saying a lot. Her children are more than a little picky (Hello! Their aunt is a Snob Blogger and we do share DNA!)

As I considered the conflicting pieces of information swirling in my brain, I reflected back on my childhood. Once upon a time, I had set out to create a color-in-the-lines masterpiece, only to discover that I had been betrayed with those icky, waxy imposters that did not produce the same results.  Looking down, I noticed that they lacked that all important logo; Crayola. I can still taste the disappointment. At that moment in my young life, I realized, not all crayons were created equal.  (You’re feeling me now, aren’t you?)

And the colors, oh the colors? How could another brand possibly capture the rich depth of classics such as forest green, brick red, and the favorite of my youth; midnight blue (now renamed Prussian blue)? Could another brand possibly capture the vibrancy of the newer colors; macaroni and cheese, mango tango, or inchworm?

A sense of calm washed over me, my decision had been made. I walked out of the Back to School aisle with my head held high. If the only thing that I could do for a foster child was to ensure that they had a superior crayon experience, well then so be it. Crayola it shall be!

Introduction of The Snob

Growing up, the word “snob” was the epitome of play-ground evil. We average Joes (or Jills) were determined to fight the condescending tyranny of those social climbers who thought they were better than the rest of us. We were above that kind of nonsense! (Which in and of itself, kind of made us…..well, snobs)

As one grows into adulthood, however, we begin to recognize that our resources are limited; money, access, time, and expendable calories (for those of us who now fight a new battle...the tyranny of the large backside)! Life is too short; therefore we are forced to make choices.

For example, gone are the days where I would flock to any treat of cold and creamy goodness, regardless of quality (helloooo, Ice Cream Truck!). As I noticed the correlation between the amount of ice cream consumed and the size of my backside, I realized I would have to hold back my every day, nay!, every moment urge for my favorite creamy-cold confection; ice-cream. Fewer opportunities to get “the good stuff” meant that if I were going to indulge my craving, I felt the need for the ice-cream to be calorie-worthy. Yes, witness the birth of the Ice-cream Snob (gasp!). Snob is indeed the right word, as I began to eschew offerings of my former friends, those low quality, mass produced treats that I once gobbled with glee. If I were going to cavort with ice cream, I now had an exclusive circle of friends; Cold Stone, Maggie Moo’s, Ben & Jerry, Breyers.

As I began to realize that snob was an association that described me in various ways; Beer Snob, Wine Snob, Hotel Snob, Movie Snob, oh how the list grows….I had to look myself dead in the mirror and finally just accept it; I have become a Snob. While the traditional uppity playground foes' snobbery was based in wealth and monetary worth, my snobbery is rooted in a desire richness of experience and recognizes the opportunity cost of settling for a lesser alternative. I am sure there are others like me.

How many lackluster, or worse yet, sub-par meals must we endure??? How many hours of yawn-worthy movies will we never get back? Here is to you, fellow Snobs; seeking a taste of the world beyond ordinary! In the Snob Blog, I will review my experiences, in the hope that I can steer you toward the good, warn you of the bad, and hopefully help you to avoid the ugly in life.


Cheers!